


Everything else is a substitute for your love

by rightings



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: (implied) - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, Jealous Steve, Jealousy, M/M, Minor Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Sexual Tension, theyre all just dumb boys basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-04-07 09:10:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14077590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rightings/pseuds/rightings
Summary: Straight guy worries hes being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he’s fallen in love with him.Plot twist: "It turns out I don’t have any problem with Bucky kissing guys if its me he’s kissing."





	Everything else is a substitute for your love

**Author's Note:**

> hello! here r a couple of notes  
> -title from "heavens gate" by fall out boy cause i've been listening to it and now its stuck in my head and i have nothing better to name this dumb story  
> -as u can see from the summary, this is my stevebucky take of that headline  
> -its modern stevebucky! meaning steve isn't cap, bucky isn't tws, everything is cute and peaceful.  
> -also bucky here has short 1940s hair and 2 human arms! (if u wanted to imagine it better)  
> -no shade to sharon in this story i love my girl and she deserves better than how she was portrayed in the mcu <33  
> -pls do correct me if u see any typos on here it was completely unedited and so very rushed  
> -enjoy xx

 

Bucky’s a little more straightforward with it than Steve expects. As soon as Steve suggests that they move in together, Bucky’s shoulders square and his chest puffs out a little bit. Steve takes it for what it is: Bucky’s preparing for a fight. 

It’s rejection, Steve thinks. Which, okay. It’s disappointing, to say the least; his heart’s wilts a little bit as the realization comes to him. A lot of bit. He imagines what Bucky might say, if he’ll let him down easy or he’ll be a dick. Maybe he’ll be honest and polite, he’ll say: “ _I don’t know, Steve… that doesn’t sound like such a good idea, right now._ ” Maybe he’d brush it off as a joke, “ _I’m sick of seeing your mug as it is, who knows what’ll happen if I wake up to it, too._ ” Maybe he’ll just be an ass, he’ll stare at Steve incredulously and say: “Y _ou’re kidding, right?_ ” 

Except, none of that happens. Instead, he says, “I’m gay.” 

Okay. That’s cool, too. It’s kinda surprising- okay, no. Who is Steve trying to kid? It’s really fucking surprising. Bucky, as in James Buchanan Barnes, the ladies’ man? Gay? What a fucking plot twist. Steve tries not to let any of that surprise show on his face though; tries to school his expression into something appreciative and calm. 

“Oh.” He’s about to say more. Maybe tell Bucky how glad he is that Bucky chose to tell him. Maybe hug him. Perhaps even ask what that has to do with moving in with Steve. 

Before he gets the chance to do any of that, though, Bucky interrupts. “I’m telling you, because,” Bucky licks his lips. A nervous habit, Steve knows. “If- if I were to move in with you, you should know that. I can’t live with you if you’re going to have a problem with me liking guys.” 

“Oh.” Steve says again, because he’s eloquent like that. It’s all he manages to say for a while. 

Bucky steels himself for another argument, tense with furrowed brows, “ _Do_ you have a problem with that?”

“What? No!” Steve stammers, shaking his head, “I just- didn’t really. I didn’t expect that. But, c’mon, Buck, you know I don’t care.” 

The expression on Bucky’s face shows that he doesn’t know. Which…okay, that hurts a little. Steve tries not to take it personally. Coming out is hard, not that Steve would know, so it makes perfect sense that Bucky would be a little bit cautious when it comes to it. Still, Steve can’t help but be a little upset: he’s Bucky’s best friend. 

That thought only makes him sadder. How long has Bucky kept this hidden, worried that Steve might not accept him for it? 

Oh, what the fuck ever. Steve takes the two steps he needs to close the distance between him and Bucky and hugs him. The tension in Bucky’s shoulders seeps through his bones in a matter of seconds, until he’s nothing but a pile of softness and he’s held together in Steve’s embrace. 

After 20 seconds (20 minutes? Hours? Steve has no fucking idea), Bucky lets go, and steps back. 

Steve looks straight into Bucky’s eyes, even if Bucky’s own eyes seem to point a few centimeters shy from Steve’s face, “What, were you worried I’d throw away 16 years of friendship just cause you were into men?” 

Bucky looks back at Steve for a second, then looks away again, “Would it be bad if I said yes?” 

“A little, but I understand.” And just for the sake of there not being a reason _not_ to, Steve pulls Bucky in another hug. He waits until Bucky’s face is buried in his shoulder so he can’t see the blush on Steve’s face to say, “So… is that a yes?”

* * *

 

It is a yes, because a week later and Bucky’s just finished putting his last box into Steve’s old study room. To be honest, Steve has no fucking idea what a study room is and what’s supposed to be done in it, so he’s really fucking glad he doesn’t have to worry about that, anymore.  

Standing by Bucky’s door, Steve smiles at the sight of him straightening up and brushing his hands on his jeans, “How’s your new home look?” 

“I don’t know… something’s kinda off,” Bucky shrugs, but the grin toying at his lips shows that he’s just being an ass. He shuts the door and leaves Steve on the other side of the door. “Ah, yeah, alright. That’s _much_ better,” Steve hears the smug asshole say.

Steve glares at the wooden door. “Get the fuck out of my apartment, bitch.”

“But, Stevie,” Bucky opens the door, just a crack, to stick his face out and show Steve that he’s over dramatically pouting, “this is _our_ house, now.”

“Not legally, it isn’t. I can kick you out, whenever you piss me off.” 

“Me? Piss you off? Unrealistic.”

“You’re unrealistic.” 

Bucky doesn’t reply; he puts his head back into his room and very politely shuts the door. Steve can hear him turn the lock. Asshole. 

* * *

 

Despite his arguments, Bucky has some trouble acting like the apartment is really his. He feels the need to ask Steve for permission in everything he does regarding the place: Steve would find him sweating his balls off before Bucky would actually consider asking Steve to turn the heat down. 

Bucky pays his part of the rent, and he chips in money when its his turn to buy the month’s groceries, so as far as Steve knows, the place is Bucky’s just as much as it is his. And if Steve was being honest, the apartment was Bucky’s the moment Bucky stepped foot into it. Anywhere Steve is, Bucky is home. 

However, Bucky can’t seem to grasp that concept and so it only takes a month before he finally allows himself to bring people home. Guys home. Maybe it’s because he’s kinda reluctant that Steve is really okay with his sexuality. It’s not an unusual thing: Many people say they’re fine with homosexuality in theory, but when they actually see two people of the same gender kissing? They get really uncomfortable. Maybe that’s what Bucky thinks Steve is like. 

The first time it happens, Steve is watching Dance Moms on Netflix with Bucky. They’ve reached the part of the episode where they show who’s on top of the pyramid, when Bucky starts shifting. Steve, for the fear of nerving Bucky further, pretends he doesn’t notice, even if Steve knows from experience that that sign means Bucky wants to say something. It takes 7 minutes, not that Steve is counting, when Bucky finally says something. 

“Can I-?” He shakes his head, “Do you mi-…No. Um. Wait.” 

Steve stares at the T.V., giving Bucky the time he needs. 

“I’m going out tonight,” Bucky finally says, which. Okay? Cool. Why is that nerve-wracking for Bucky to say? 

“Oh, alright, so you won’t be able to make it for dinner?” Steve assumes, hoping thats what Bucky means. 

“No, but,” he fumbles a little bit, playing with his hands, “I’m going to, like, go… _out_. And I might not, like- I might.” 

Steve thinks he might understand what Bucky’s grasping at, “You wanna bring someone home?” 

Bucky squeaks. “Or I could go back home with him. Them. Whatever way works. With you.” 

“Buck,” Steve laughs, “Unless you’ve magically turned straight, I know that the person will be a guy. You don’t have to, like, try and hide that. And I don’t care, I’ve brought home girls before.” 

“One girl, Steve. Singular.” 

Steve pouts. “Yeah! But it was multiple times, so same difference.” 

“If it bothers you, like. If you’re uncomfortable, I can go back to his or something. He doesn’t have to come here.”

“It’s your apartment, too, Bucky. You don’t have to ask for permission,” Steve makes sure to look Bucky in the eye when he says that. For emphasis. 

“Suck my dick,” Bucky says, for lack of anything else to say. 

“You’re gonna have to buy me dinner first, Barnes,” Steve grins, “I’m not a cheap lay.” 

“Bitch,” Bucky glares, “ With my dick sucking skills? I can make anybody turn into a cheap lay.” 

“Huh,” Steve says. Maybe he’ll have to test that out someday. 

* * *

 

“You’re flirting with him,” Natasha shakes her head, “Unbelievable.” 

“I- What? No, I’m- No!” Steve splutters, “I’m not flirting with Bucky, Nat. We’re just joking around!”

Natasha raises your eyebrows. “I hate to break it to you, Rogers, but I’m gay and none of my straight friends joke around like that with me.” 

“Well.” Steve says, “Your straight friends are missing out on some quality dick jokes.” 

Under her breathe, Steve can hear Natasha mumble, “Unbelievable.” 

* * *

 

The one girl that Steve brought home multiple times is now in Steve’s shower. As he’s making breakfast, Sharon comes out the bathroom, wearing last night’s clothes. 

“Hey,” Steve says, smiling, “You staying for breakfast?”

  
As expected, Sharon’s answer is the same one that she gave last time. And the time before that. _And_ the time before that. “Sorry, Steve, work.” She grabs her bag, adjusts her shoe and heads for the door. Steve follows behind and hugs her goodbye, locking the door behind her. 

“S’tha’?” Bucky mumbles, stepping into the living room. He’s wearing only boxers and a hoodie that seems to be at least a size XL, oversized enough to cover almost all of his boxers. His hair sticks up in weird places and only one eye is open.

Steve looks away quickly and flips the pancake he’s working on. “Sharon, she just left.” 

“Mm,” Bucky says, and then turns around back to his room, where Steve knows he’s planning to sleep till noon. “Wake m’up for the pancakes.” 

* * *

 

The second time Bucky brings a guy back home its a lot less discreet than the first. The first time, Steve hadn’t even seen the guy: He came too late and left too early. This time though? Steve gets an eyeful. 

Steve is sitting on the couch, working on a recent commission when he hears the jingle of keys by the door. Sure enough, the door opens moments later and Bucky stumbles in, except he isn’t alone. Not that Steve can see his face. Bucky’s back is to Steve where he can see two hands grabbing Bucky’s ass- hands that belong to the face that Bucky is holding and currently making out with. Steve doesn’t know what to do. Should he make his presence known? Wait for Bucky to see him? Go back to his room and pretend he didn’t see anything?

The guy pushes Bucky further into the apartment, and kicks the door shut with his foot. Steve frowns, who the fuck is this guy and why is he acting like this place is his? What an asshole. 

“Matt-,” Bucky says, trying to pull away, except the guy chases his lips and pulls him into another kiss, so the only sound Bucky actually gets out is, “Mmm.” 

“Matt, wait,” Bucky gets out, putting a hand on this… _Matt_ ’s chest, “C’mon, my bedroom, at least.” 

Matt grumbles his agreement and it’s only when Bucky turns around to lead Matt to his room by the hand that he notices Steve on the couch. 

“Steve, hi,” And Bucky gets this nervous look on his face like he’s scared Steve might yell at him and quickly lets go of Matt’s hand. 

“Hey, Buck,” Steve smiles, and he makes sure that his smile is extra friendly so that Bucky stops freaking out. Then, Steve pointedly looks at Matt. 

Bucky grins sheepishly. “Oh! Right! Um, Steve, this is Matt, and Matt, uh, Steve is my best friend and roommate.” 

“Hey, dude,” Says Matt. 

Steve avoids the urge to glare at Matt, which, he has _no idea_ why he has the urge, and smiles at the guy, “Hi.” 

Matt then goes back and grabs Bucky’s hand, which reminds Bucky of the task at hand, and he nods to his room, and takes Matt there, who already has his hand on Bucky’s ass again. 

Now with both of them gone, Steve can glare in peace. He doesn’t know why Matt leaves such a  bad feeling in his gut; it’s not like the guy ever did anything to Steve. The whole thing doesn’t sit right with Steve and it’s making him uncomfortable. 

Guiltily, Steve wonders if he’s being homophobic. Maybe Steve _is_ one of those people who's fine with homosexuality in theory, but acts different when it’s right in front of him. 

If Steve thinks about it more, it makes no sense? He’s seen Nat and her girlfriend, Maria, kiss multiple times. He even accidentally caught them making out. He wasn’t uncomfortable back then, so why would he be now? He considers the fact that its because Bucky and Matt are guys, but that doesn’t make any sense, either. 

He plugs his headphones in and raises the volume of the Coldplay song he’s listening to to drown out the sound of Matt grunting loudly. 

* * *

 

The next morning, Bucky walks out in sweatpants only, shirtless and with several bruises scattered all over his chest and neck. Steve thinks he can even see one peeking from the top of his sweatpants. Behind him, Matt is fully clothed and running a hand through his hair, trying to make it look less like a bird was nesting in it. He walks up to the door and Bucky follows closely behind, grinning sleepily when Matt turns around and says something that Steve can’t catch. Matt then kisses Bucky softly and leaves, winking jokingly as he goes. Steve petulantly narrows his eyes at the door after it shuts. 

“I’m really sorry,” Bucky says. Speaking full sentences! Before noon! Steve would be proud if he wasn’t so fucking confused. 

“Sorry for what?” 

“I thought you were working at the office last night, I didn’t realize you were doing it from home. Or else I would’ve at least texted beforehand to check up with you. I completely forgot, I swe-“ 

“It’s fine,” Steve laughs, interrupting Bucky mid-ramble, “It wasn’t like you had sex right in front of me.” 

“Yeah, but…” The tension visibly drains out of Bucky, and he grins a little sheepishly. 

“But nothing. How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t care about it?” 

“Yeah.” Bucky says, which answers nothing and everything. 

* * *

 

Once every month, Steve takes it upon himself to force Bucky in joining him in his morning runs. Once every month, Bucky threatens to skin Steve, and picks up the closest shoe and raises it in Steve’s direction in an attempt to scare him off. Needless to say, it never works. 

“ _Buckyyyy_ ,” Steve says, energetic and happy and everything that a person should not be at 6 AM.

“Leave me the fuck alone, soul sucker,” Bucky’s sheets say. 

Steve sighs and throws the first thing he sees on the floor at Bucky. Which happens to be an empty Pepsi can. Gross. “Let’s go, Buck, I’m already way later than I normally would be. Morning runs are fun!” 

Bucky pulls the covers down just enough that his lips would show. Steve attempts and fails to ignore how pink they look. “Sure, morning runs are fun. But, consider this: Mornings, except, no one is awake.” 

Steve nods in understanding, “I have considered it and while it sounds awfully inviting, my offer still stands.”

“I have politely declined your offer,” Bucky pulls the covers back and returns to his assumed position. 

“I hear you, however, you are in no position to decline offers from me, seeing as my ‘offers’ are mere formalities. I am forcing you to get up, Buck.” 

Somewhere under the sheets, Steve can see something moving up and down. It is only because Steve is so educated in Bucky culture that he realizes its Bucky nodding. “I, too, hear you. But while my position does not allow me to decline, it allows me to tell you to eat my ass.” 

Steve considers, “After the morning run, I will formally eat your ass.” 

Bucky’s head fully pops up from the blankets this time, “Promise?” 

Success. 

* * *

 

“Secretly,” Bucky reads aloud, “you think your enemies are envious of… My industriousness, my looks, my determination, my dreams, my wealth, my bravery, my demeanor, my passions, or I don’t have enemies.”

Not looking up, Steve says, “Your looks.” 

“Mm,” Bucky replies, “What am I most scared of? …Saying goodbye to my friends, losing my job, global warming, scissors, pop quizzes, Wal-Mart, war, being alone, or standing still.” 

This, Steve pauses to consider, “I’m stuck between scissors and Wal-Mart.” 

“I don’t know, pal, the potential capacity of Wal-mart is kinda frightening.” 

“Yeah?” Steve raises an eyebrow, “Well, what about the potential of scissors? You could make a cute little paper people chain, give someone a haircut, or stab someone in the solar plexus. Each have varying levels of uncanniness.” 

Bucky nods, “you do make a point. Paper people chains are freaky as fuck.”

After a minute or two of silence, Bucky makes a pleased sound, “Huh.” 

Steve looks up, “What?” 

“I got Rapunzel.” Bucky grins, proud of his achievements, “‘ _Witty and outgoing, you have a sense of humor that always keeps people smiling. You are constantly on the look for adventure and don’t settle down easily._ ’”

Steve frowns, “Which people are you keeping smiling? ‘Cause they aren’t me.” 

Bucky frowns right the fuck back, “You see this?” He points at his leg. “It’s going up your ass.”

Steve feigns swooning, “And they say chivalry is dead.” 

“I’ll show you dead,” Bucky narrows his eyes at Steve.

“Be still, my heart.”

* * *

 

Steve gets a text at 10:48 PM. 

Bucky: think im bringing this dude hoem. 

Bucky: that ok?

Steve: No

Bucky: oh ok

Steve: I’m kidding!!!! 

Bucky: what do i do with this information

Steve: BRING HIM HOME!!!!! 

Steve: SUCK HIS DICK!!!

Steve: RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!!!!!

Bucky: im taking that as a yes

Bucky: if u want me to suck ur dick 

Bucky: jsut ask xoxo

Steve: ugh, this romance 

Steve calmly ignores the voice in his head that tells him this is flirting. Especially since that voice suspiciously sounds like Natasha’s. He also calmly ignores that dumb feeling thats sitting low in his stomach. 

* * *

 

Becca hears about this. She says it’s because she has a sixth sense of whenever Steve does something stupid, but he’s pretty sure it’s because Nat’s been sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. So, this is why he finds himself getting yelled at on the phone by a 21 year old woman who is 5’3” when he is a 6’2” tall man. When that doesn't work, she takes it upon herself to invite herself into his house.

“I can’t fucking believe the two of you!” Becca says in lieu of a greeting as she walks into the apartment. 

“You know, that’s quite funny, Natasha said the same-“ It’s not funny at all, Steve’s just desperately trying to distract Becca from whatever she’s planning to do. Steve doesn’t know what it is, but it doesn’t sound very promising. 

“Yeah?” Becca humors him for a second, “Well, Natasha was polite enough not to tear you a new one, but I’m not going to be so nice, you absolute fucking dumbass.” 

“I don’t really think the words Natasha and polite belong together in the same sentence in that specific arrangement of words.” 

Becca glares. “How about this specific arrangement of words? Eat shit, Rogers.” 

“Did anyone ever tell you that you share the same exact morbid sense of humor as Bucky?” 

This distraction doesn’t work so well, since Steve mentioned Bucky. Amateur mistake. Becca goes back to her main point, “You see, Steve, Bucky being an idiot? That I’m used to. You? Well, I’m used to that too. But seriously, what is wrong with you?”

Steve sobers up. “Wait, what did I do?” 

“Really? You being straight and not into him does not give you the right to flirt with him! You’re just leading him on! Have you considered that he might like you?” 

“I didn’t-“ He stops to think, “He isn’t into me, Becca. I think I would know if he was.” 

“I’m not saying he is,” Becca is a little less angry when she says this, but no less scary, “I’m saying you’re clearly flirting and that you shouldn’t do that if you aren't into him.”

“I didn’t think that was considered flirting.” 

Becca levels Steve with a Stare™. 

Steve is a little too much of a pussy to meet the stare head-first so he just looks back at her forehead. 

He thinks it might last minutes, or hours, he’s too intimidated to be able to tell properly, when she finally says, “Give me your phone.”

Wordlessly, he hands it over. She does some tapping and clicking and then she starts reading. From the sound of it, she’s going over his and Bucky’s texts. “Yesterday at 6 PM, he sends you a text that says ‘where are you’, to which you reply: ‘on your mind hopefully’. Seriously, Steve? This isn’t just flirting, it’s awful flirting, too.” 

“He thought it was funny.”

“Steve. He replied with ‘that was so romantic, I think I just came’.” 

“Yeah, I know. Your point?”

“I’m going home.”

* * *

 

In all honesty, Steve considers Becca’s point. It would be unfair of Steve to flirt with Bucky if Bucky was into him. But if the both of them were aware that it was just for fun, then there was no harm to it, right? And the both of them were aware, right? Steve makes a mental note to have an adult conversation with Bucky about it later. 

* * *

 

He has no idea why he’s being such a fucking dick. Honest. 

It’s just- one night stands usually leave before breakfast. When somebody offers them to stay for breakfast, its usually just a formality, and the one night stand is supposed to understand that and decline politely. Steve would know— its the only reason he actually asks Sharon if she wants to stay; he knows she doesn’t have work so early in the mornings, but it’s a routine by now. They wake up, she gets dressed, he goes to the kitchen, asks if she wants to eat, she says no, but maybe next time she can, and she leaves. So, why the fuck is this guy eating breakfast with Steve and Bucky? 

The guy, Alex, or Alec, or something like that, speaks up, “Um, can you pass me the salt?” 

He’s clearly talking to Steve, since Steve’s the closest to the salt shaker, but Steve’s gonna pretend he can’t hear him, ‘cause if he wants the salt so fucking bad, he can get the salt himself. Alex (Steve’s assuming, he still doesn’t know the guy’s name) clears his throat, trying to catch Steve’s attention. 

“Steve, can you hand me salt?” This time it’s Bucky who tries. 

Steve grins, casual and easy, “Yeah, sure, Buck.” 

Alex stares at Steve incredulously, but Steve’s too involved in his omelette to notice.

After 10 minutes of painful silence, Alex finally takes the hint and stands up, wiping his hands on his jeans (on his jeans! How fucking gross. How did Bucky seriously have sex with this guy?), and says, “I actually need to head out, if that’s okay?” 

Bucky smiles, “Yeah, that’s fine. Thanks for staying for breakfast. Maybe we can do this again-“

Steve tunes out the rest. It just sounds like all the dumb stuff people say to their one night stands as pleasantries. Maybe Alex’s dumbass will actually think Bucky’s being serious and they’ll hook up again. Damn, and here Steve really thought Bucky had better taste in men. When Alex finally leaves, Bucky turns to glare at Steve. 

“What the fuck was that?” 

Steve plays dumb, cocking his head to the side, “What the fuck was what?” 

“Don’t act so stupid, Steve, it’s not a good look.” Bucky narrows his eyes, apparently not having any of Steve’s shit. Which, okay, fair enough, “Why were you being such an ass to Tim?”

Huh, Tim. So, that was his name. “He’s a real nice guy, Buck, I have nothing against him.” 

“Don’t give me that shit. You were rude as fuck. What’s gotten into you?”

Steve figures there’s no use in keeping the act up, so his shoulders slump and he sighs, “Nothing. I’m sorry. I’m just tired and cranky, and I took it out on him. I’m sorry.” 

Bucky blinks. Once. Twice. Then he reaches out and hugs Steve.

Despite being confused and weary, Steve melts into the embrace for the few seconds it lasts. When he pulls away, he asks, “What was that for?” 

Bucky levels Steve with a soft look, something that’s too affectionate for Steve’s liking; it stirs something deep within his body and, ugh, fuck, why did Bucky have to be so nice and understanding, and… pretty. Huh. “Steve, I’m your best friend. I know that’s not it. But clearly you don’t wanna tell me why you’re upset, so I don’t want to push it.” 

Back in his room, Steve pushes a hand against his own chest, hoping it’ll calm down his erratic heart beat. What the fuck, body? 

* * *

 

“Mm, wait,” Sharon pulls off, breathing heavily, “What’s going on, Steve?” 

“Wait, what?” Steve licks his lips, catching his breath.

“You aren’t even kissing me, you’re just letting me do it,” Sharon’s brows join, and she rolls off of Steve where she was sitting on his lap. Her head hits the headboard, “What’s bothering you?”

Steve scoots further up, so him and Sharon are sitting shoulder to shoulder, “Nothing, it’s nothing.” 

It isn’t nothing. Obviously. The thing with Bucky, the guys he’s been bringing home, and the dumb, uncomfortable feelings Steve’s been getting are driving him crazy. Is he really  How the fuck do you stop being involuntarily homophobic when you swore you were okay with gay people? 

Sharon sighs, “Did you want to call this off? Is that it?” 

“What?” Steve looks over, surprised, “No. That isn’t it. I’d tell you if it was. It… really has nothing to do with you, I’m just thinking about it a lot.” 

“Well, clearly, a distraction isn’t working for you. Do you want to try talking it out?,” she considers. 

“That’ll be weird, though, won’t it?” 

“Uh, not if we don’t make it weird?” Sharon cocks her head, “I mean yeah I know we’re fuck buddies, so it’s all about fun, and this clearly isn’t fun. But before anything, we’re friends, right?”

“Yeah,” Steve nods. 

“Okay, so, friends talk shit out. Don’t they?”

Steve laughs a little— a breath of a laugh, “Yeah. I suppose they do.” 

Sharon waits. Well, clearly, she’s not letting him off the hook. He sighs, “I think I’m being homophobic.” 

That gets a laugh out of her, “You _think_?”

“Shut up, I swear, I don’t know what I’m doing,” Steve shakes his head, grinning. “But seriously. I have this friend, right, and he’s gay. And he told me a while back, and I said I was cool with it. ‘Cause I am! But then he started bringing guys home, and when he asked me about that, I said I was fine with that, too. But when I see him and another guy like together, it just. I get this feeling, I don’t know,” 

Steve pauses, trying to think of how to describe it without sounding explicitly homophobic. 

“It just makes me sick. Which is so fucking weird, ‘cause like, I see Maria and Nat kiss all time, and I have zero problems with it.”

Sharon takes a minute to process this and then she says, “Your friend… it’s Bucky, right?” 

He nods,“Yeah, but I didn’t say his name outright, because I didn’t want to, like, out him or anything.”

“And you’re straight, right?” 

“Yes.” 

“Okay, Steve,” Sharon is talking to Steve like he’s a little kid who she has to explain things very deliberately to, “I know this might sound weird to you, but consider this: You are not straight.”

Steve stares, “What?” 

She nods empathetically, “I know, and get this: You’re into Bucky and the feeling you’re getting is jealousy.” 

“Okay, no, that’s crazy, Shar, I would know if I was gay. Hell, I was just making out with you. You would know, too,” Steve turns around fully so that he’s facing her. 

“Oh my god, Steve. You can fuck me and still be into guys.” She considers, “Well, not at the same time. But you could be into both guys and girls, it’s not a whole new concept.” 

Steve rolls his eyes, “I know what bisexuality is, Sharon.” 

“Well, you’re not acting like it.”

Steve doesn’t answer. 

Sharon sighs, “Just think about it.” 

He stares at her, “Do _you_ want to call this off?”

“No,” She shakes her head, “Where did you get that from?”

“Then why else would you try to set me up with my best friend?” Steve’s fully aware that he’s being unfair, but why is everybody so involved in his love life? 

“Okay, first of all, Steve, you aren’t even hard,” Sharon raises her eyebrows and then pointedly looks at Steve’s crotch. Which, okay, fine, she makes a good point. He opens his mouth to argue, but she speaks again before he gets the chance to, “Second of all, tell me honestly that you have never thought of Bucky that way?” 

Steve shuts his mouth. 

“That’s what I thought.” 

* * *

 

Steve will not think of Bucky that way. Steve will not think of Bucky that way. Steve will _not_ think of Buc- Steve is thinking of Bucky that way. He’s always had tiny, shushed thoughts in the back of his head about it, but now it’s in full volume. Bucky walks out of his room, shirtless and tired and _so_ sleep-soft and one part of Steve’s mind is yelling “SUCK HIS DICK” and the other yells, just as loud, “SPOON HIM”. The voices argue so loud that when Bucky says, “Morning,” in his grumbly morning voice, Steve squeaks and says, “Spoon his dick?” 

Bucky probably decides that he isn’t awake enough to handle this, because he grumbles, “Night,” and goes back to his room. 

Thanks a lot, brain. 

* * *

 

“Hey, Steve,” Bucky says, and Steve can see him tugging at his sleeves. “I’m going out tonight.” 

Steve rolls his eyes, and damn it, ignores the dumb fucking ache; says,”We aren’t having this conversation again, Buck. I don’t care who you hook up with.”

“Um, actually…” Bucky lets out a weak chuckle. 

That has Steve looking up, because, okay, that’s new. “Actually what?” 

“It’s not really like, um, a hook up.” He shrugs, “I’m going on a date.” 

The ache gets stronger then, but Steve smiles wider to hide it, “Wait, really?!” 

“Don’t act so surprised, bitch, I can get dates,” Bucky grins, and he looks a little proud of himself. 

“Damn,” Steve feigns shock, “And here I thought your only attractive traits were your dick-sucking skills.” 

“Bitch,” Bucky gives Steve a look, “have you seen my hair?”

“What about it?” 

“Look at her!” Bucky over dramatically looks over his shoulder, and the curly mess of his hair flops with the movement, “Tell me she isn’t the baddest bitch, like, _ever_.”

“Damn,” Steve says again, “you gonna let your date touch her?” 

“Don’t be stupid, Stevie, only authorized personnel get to touch her.” 

“Fuck, but I wanted to touch her, too,” Steve pouts.

Bucky rolls his eyes, “Steve. You’re, like… _The_ authorized personnel. You get to touch her whenever you want.” 

That makes the ache ease up a little. 

* * *

 

So maybe Steve isn’t homophobic. 

In hindsight, he should’ve been a little smarter. Okay, a lot of bit smarter. It’s 9 PM and Bucky didn’t mention anything about the fact that his boyfriend is coming over, so Steve walks into Bucky’s room in attempt to get his deodorant. What he gets? An eyeful of… Well.

Bucky, face down and ass up, with his boyfriend, Pete, right behind him, face in said ass. Bucky is making these little, tiny, whimpering sounds and Pete is outright moaning into his ass.

Steve has no idea what to do with this information. Or the fact that he’s half hard in his pants. Neither Pete nor Bucky acknowledge his presence so he leaves and pretends he didn’t see anything. The dumb feeling that sits like a stone is now five times its original weight and Steve feels like he can’t breathe with it. 

He’s pretty sure homophobes don’t get hard when they see a guy eating another guy’s ass. 

* * *

 

Steve goes on a little self-exploring adventure, and after a half hour long shower, he decides he definitely isn't as straight as he thought he was. The evidence is currently getting washed down the shower drain. Huh. 

* * *

 

Apparently, Steve’s new found discovery only makes him ruder to Bucky’s boyfriend. Bucky’s in the shower, and Pete meant to come pick him up but he’s gotten here a little earlier than expected so him and Steve are now sitting next to each other on the couch. 

“So, Bucky’s mentioned you a lot,” Pete says, in an attempt to break the ice.

Steve prides in this information, “As he should.” He _knows_ its a douche thing to say, but his brain to mouth filter is practically non-existent and he can’t help it. 

Pete seems at a loss for what to say, so he just nods and mumbles, “Yeah.” 

At one point throughout the ten minute long uncomfortable silence, Steve randomly says, “If you hurt him, you know, I know how to dislocate someone’s shoulder. It’s not very pretty.” And then internally winces, because, wow, what kinda shovel talk is that? 

Pete nods again and says, “Yeah, I didn’t think it would be pretty.” 

Okay. What does Steve reply to that. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to think about that very long because Bucky walks out of the shower. With only a towel around his waist. Damn, Steve thinks. 

“Damn,” Pete says. Because he can do that. Because he’s Bucky’s boyfriend. 

Bucky just grins and blows a kiss to him. Steve looks away. 

What the fuck is his life.

* * *

 

Bucky doesn’t come back until the next morning when Steve’s making his coffee. Steve tries not to think about what that means, even if the purple bruise on Bucky’s collar bone tells him all he needs to know. 

“Hey, Buck,” He says, ‘cause he’s a good friend, and also because Bucky looks kinda pissed and he really doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of that. 

“Don’t ‘hey, Buck,’ me, you fucking asshole.” Whoops. Too late. 

“What?” 

Bucky glares, “What’s gotten up your ass, Rogers?”

See, the key in a situation like this is to keep calm. Unfortunately, Steve’s never been one to listen to the rules, “Shouldn’t I ask what’s gotten up yours?” Steve feigns pausing to think, and then smiles bitterly, “Oh, wait! I already know!” 

Bucky blinks, taken aback. Then, it looks like his anger comes rushing back, except this time, tenfold. “Seriously? That’s what this is about? Me taking dick up my ass?” 

Steve opens his mouth to argue, but Bucky interrupts, “I told you before I even moved in that if you had a problem with it, we shouldn’t be living in the same fucking apartment, Steve. _You_ said it was okay. You don’t do that and then throw a fit because suddenly you're not so okay with it!” 

“I’m not-!” 

Apparently, Bucky isn’t done, “You gave Pete the shovel talk by threatening to dislocate his fucking shoulder! When he was trying to get to know you! You’ve been rude to all the guys I’ve brought home. Don’t try to deny that!”

“But, I-,” 

“But what? Huh? It’s not like I forced you to try and accept it, Steve! I said I would go to their houses if it made you uncomfortable, but you literally insisted that I brought them here because,” He pauses and raises his pitch, mimicking Steve, “‘ _Oh, this your house, too! You can do whatever you want, Buck! You don’t have to ask me!_ ’” 

Okay, when he puts it like that, Steve sounds like a complete fucking asshole. Which isn’t that far off from the truth, but, still, Steve can’t help feeling like he’s just been slapped. 

“What was the point of that?” Bucky goes on, “Just to make me feel like shit? Like I haven’t already had enough of that?” 

“Buck, no,” Steve finally says, frowning. 

Bucky narrows his eyes, “Don’t give me that shit.” 

Steve has no idea how to phrase it. _‘I’m going through a sexual crisis and I’m in love with you and I don’t know how to deal with it, so I’m taking it out on your boyfriend like the jealous dickhead I am’?_

Eloquently, Steve summarizes all of that by blurting out, “I’m bisexual!” 

Bucky, who’s been preparing to yell even more, blinks. “What?” 

“I thought I was being homophobic ‘cause every single time I see you with a guy, I get this sick feeling inside of me, but then Nat, Becca, and Sharon called me an idiot and they helped me realize that I’m not actually straight and that the sick feeling I’m getting is jealousy because I’m really fucking into you,” Steve rambles, then he pauses to take a breath, “And then once I got that down, I only kept getting more jealous of your boyfriend and I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry.” 

“What?” Bucky says again. 

“I know. I _know_ you’re happy with Pete and that you don’t like me, at least not in that way, but I, I don’t know how to deal with anything. I was so sure that I was straight but I’m not, and I think I’ve always liked you, but I’ve never realized it.” 

“What?” Bucky says. 

Steve takes it for the apparent rejection it is, “I’m sorry, I’ll just-“ He means to leave the kitchen to go to his room to properly wallow, but Bucky grabs his wrist. 

Suddenly, Steve finds himself engulfed in a hug, and he has no fucking idea what’s going on. He decides that he’s never gonna refuse a hug from Bucky, even if Bucky is rejecting him.

“Pete isn’t my boyfriend,” Bucky says into Steve’s neck.

That makes Steve pull away so the he can look at Bucky’s face, “What?” 

“Me and him went on a couple of dates, but we agreed that it wasn’t the best thing right now, since I told him I was in love with this other guy,” Bucky explains, and Steve’s heart skips several beats, “We have a friends with benefits type of deal going on right now, and it’s fun but it’s not what I really want.”

“What-,” Steve clears his throat, “What do you really want?” 

“You,” Bucky says, like it’s the simplest thing in the world, “But we can get to that in a second. Firstly, don’t think I’m not still mad at you.”

Steve frowns, “Oh?” 

“Yeah,” he raises his eyebrows at Steve, “I get that you were confused but you shouldn't have taken it out on Pete. So, what you’re going to do is apologize to him, and to Becca, Nat, and Sharon, who had to put up with your bullshit. And, I,” Bucky points at himself, “am going to break it off with Pete before we do anything. You should do the same with Sharon if you haven’t already.”

Steve nods stupidly, because, yeah, he can get behind that. 

Bucky smiles at that, “Yeah, okay, all of that can happen after noon, because I need to sleep.”

Then, as he leaves to his room, he leans up, kisses Steve on the cheek, and continues walking. Steve watches him go. Damn, he thinks. Then, he realizes he can say that now. 

“Damn,” he says.

* * *

 

“I’m bisexual,” Steve says, instead of a greeting.

“We been knew,” comes Nat’s reply from the other side of the line. 

“And I’m in love with Bucky.” 

Natasha hangs up. 

 

“I’m bisexual,” Steve greets. 

“It’s 8:30 AM,” Becca says.

“I’m in love with your brother.”

“It’s 8:30 AM,” She says again. 

It’s silent for 3 minutes, because Steve is unsure what to say to that, when he hears Becca snore. 

 

“I’m bisexual,” Steve says.

“And you're in love with Bucky?” Sharon guesses. 

Steve grins, “Hell fucking yeah.” 

* * *

 

The next day, Bucky invites Pete over, and Steve fights the childish urge to stick his tongue out at him. They eat dinner, and it’s painfully awkward, but they make it work. Steve apologizes, and Pete is nice enough to excuse Steve for his jealous behavior. He even smiles a little and tells Steve that he’s a lucky guy. Steve smiles warmly and he thinks he couldn’t agree more. Bucky calls it off with Pete, says that Pete is a nice guy, and even throws in the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line. Pete is understanding and he hugs Bucky goodbye. Steve resolutely does _not_ grin smugly. (He totally does.)

 

* * *

 

He’s in the middle of making out with Bucky and discovering the wonders of beard burn when Bucky starts giggling. He would be offended if that laugh wasn't so cute. 

Steve pulls away and glares at Bucky, “First of all,” Steve says, “I am not that bad at kissing.” 

Bucky kisses Steve softly, just to shut him up, before speaking, “You are definitely not bad at kissing.”

Steve narrows his eyes, suspicious, “Then why are you laughing, bitch?” 

“I just realized,” Bucky grins, “You saw me kissing a guy, got jealous, and your first reaction was, ‘ _Oh my god, I’m homophobic_ ’. How is that not funny?”

Steve has to admit that it’s a little bit funny, so he adds, “Yeah. And then I realized I was bi as fuck.” 

“And you thought, what? It turns out I _am_ homophobic, just without the _phobic_ part.”

“I thought, It turns out I don’t have any problem with Bucky kissing guys if it’s me he's kissing.”


End file.
